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Below are the 2 most recent journal entries recorded in my daily interaction with ed's LiveJournal:

Wednesday, September 26th, 2007
2:15 pm
i guess i will make a little biography

i'm 24, and i have an eating disorder. it's pretty new. when i was a teenager and through my earlier 20s i was small. naturally. i weighed about 100lbs, people always commented on how thin i was. i never worried about what i ate, i actually think i would eat more than others. i never stepped on a scale, and when i did, the number meant nothing.
when i was about 21 i noticed some slight weight gain. it bothered me, but not enough to do anything about it. i started doing small things, like checking out the nutrition information, eating low fat foods. but i didn't make any dramatic changes in my diet.
at 23, everything changed. in the fall of 2006, i moved away from my college town that i called home for 5 years. i really developed who i am there. all my friends were there. i also went through a break up of a relationship of 2 years, right after the 2 year anniversary. i moved back to my hometown, which was very different than when i left it. i didn't know anyone anymore, the city had grown, it was like a completely new place. i moved back in with my overprotective mother, who would get upset about my staying out late or not telling her where i was going.
i almost feel that this disorder developed as a way for me to feel grown up. in many ways i felt like i had not grown up, i haven't finished college, i live with my mom. that's just a thought, i don't know if that is right exactly.
at some point in the fall of 2006 i stepped on a scale, 114lbs it told me. i had never been that weight ever. it was a shock. i have to be small, that's just who i am. it's almost like a personality trait.
i started eating less, skipping meals, drinking more water, counting calories.
i got down to 99lbs.
right now i'm in this middle ground of recovery vs. the disorder. i don't think i'm skinny, i don't want to admit there is a problem, i don't want people to worry.
my guy knows, and he makes me eat. which isn't the best way to help, but at least he is supportive.
i guess that is basically my story.
1:39 pm
i didn't want to post these thoughts in my main journal, nor did i want to create an alternate username. this community is basically a place for me to record feelings, in a somewhat private manner.

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